What to Do When Life Feels Out of Control

How to Embrace Change Using ACT Principles

Life doesn’t always go according to plan. Sometimes it unravels completely. A job ends, a relationship shifts, a loved one gets sick, or a sense of stability just… disappears. In these moments, it’s easy to feel like you’re losing your grip. Like you’re stuck in a storm with no way to steer.

When life feels out of control, the natural reaction is to fix it—quickly. We scramble to make lists, to take charge, to gain certainty. Or we collapse under the weight of it all, numbing out, shutting down, or giving up. But there’s another path forward—one that doesn’t require everything to be okay before you start feeling okay again. That path is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

At Bydand Therapy, we use ACT to help people steady themselves in times of transition, loss, and emotional overwhelm. You don’t have to wait for life to calm down before you begin to move forward with purpose. And you don’t need to control everything to take meaningful action.

Why Feeling Out of Control Is So Overwhelming

We’re wired to seek stability. Our minds are constantly scanning for patterns and making predictions so we can feel safe. When those patterns break—when something unexpected happens—it shakes the whole system. Your thoughts may race. Your emotions may surge. You might hear a mental loop that sounds like:

• “I can’t handle this.”

• “Everything is falling apart.”

• “There’s no way out.”

• “I need to fix this now.”

These thoughts can take over and lead to panicked decisions or paralysis. You may find yourself avoiding responsibilities, snapping at loved ones, or compulsively trying to problem-solve situations that can’t be solved right now. It’s not that there’s something wrong with you—it’s that your mind is doing its best to keep you safe in an uncertain world. But its best isn’t always helpful.

That’s where ACT comes in.

How ACT Helps You Find Your Footing

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy offers a radically different way to deal with distress. Instead of trying to get rid of difficult feelings or overpower them with positive thinking, ACT invites you to build a new relationship with your experience. One rooted in acceptance, presence, and committed action.

Here’s how ACT can help when life feels out of control:

Acceptance

ACT teaches you to make room for discomfort. Rather than resisting painful emotions, you learn to acknowledge them. This isn’t passive surrender—it’s a powerful act of honesty. When you stop fighting your emotions, you free up energy to respond in more intentional ways.

It might sound like:
“This is hard right now. I don’t like it. But I can allow it to be here while I take the next step.”

Cognitive Defusion

Your thoughts aren’t facts, even when they shout. ACT gives you tools to separate from unhelpful thoughts instead of getting caught in them. That might mean labeling your thoughts (“I’m having the thought that…”), using humor, or visualizing your thoughts floating away like leaves on a stream.

Defusion isn’t about silencing your inner voice; it’s about turning down its volume so it doesn’t run the show.

Self-as-Context

There’s a part of you that’s larger than your thoughts, feelings, or circumstances—a quiet observer that notices everything without being overwhelmed by it. ACT helps you connect with this observing self so that you can remain steady, even when your emotions are intense or your circumstances uncertain.

From this place, you might say:
“I notice I’m feeling scared, and I also notice that I’m breathing and choosing.”

Present-Moment Awareness

When life feels chaotic, your mind often travels to worst-case scenarios or replays past regrets. ACT teaches you to return to the here and now—your breath, your body, your surroundings. This shift grounds you. It’s the difference between being swept away by the river and standing firmly on the riverbank watching it pass.

Practical tools might include mindful breathing, sensory check-ins, or grounding exercises like naming five things you can see.

Values-Based Direction

Even in crisis, you can still choose who you want to be. ACT encourages you to clarify your values—the qualities you care about most—and use them as a compass. You may not be able to change your situation right away, but you can take actions that reflect your integrity, compassion, courage, or patience.

For example:

• If you value connection, you might reach out to a friend even while feeling down.

• If you value honesty, you might have a hard conversation instead of avoiding it.

• If you value perseverance, you might take one small step toward a goal, even if you’re uncertain.

ACT doesn’t promise to make life easier. But it does offer a way to stay connected to what matters, even when life is hard.

You Don’t Have to Control Everything to Move Forward

One of the most liberating truths ACT teaches is that control isn’t the key to peace—connection is. When you anchor yourself in the present, connect with your values, and take committed action, you start to build a life that’s flexible, meaningful, and real. Even if the chaos doesn’t disappear overnight, your relationship with it changes.

You become someone who can move forward even when the future feels foggy. Someone who can show up authentically even in the mess. Someone who stops waiting for life to calm down and starts living right here, right now.

Let ACT Help You Navigate Life’s Uncertainty

At Bydand Therapy, we work with people just like you—people facing change, people stuck in overwhelm, people craving a sense of purpose when everything feels off track. Our therapists use ACT to help you untangle from fear-based thinking, reconnect with your values, and build a life of movement and meaning.

Whether you’re in the middle of a big transition, struggling with anxiety, or just feeling untethered, you don’t have to go it alone.

We invite you to contact us for a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s talk about what’s going on and how ACT therapy at Bydand Therapy can support you through it. Life might feel out of control right now—but with the right support, you can learn to hold steady in the storm.