The Three Ingredients for Transformation

When working with clients, at some point, we get down to brass tax.  If one is not adhering to the three ingredients for transformation, not much will change.  In fact, you will keep getting what you have always gotten; no matter how much insight you may have garnered.  So, let’s not waste anymore time what are they?

1. You must take 100% responsibility for your life. 
2. You must have a grounding practice. 
3. You must have a clearing process. 

Let’s break these three down.

You must take 100% responsibility for your life.

First, let’s define our terms.  Responsibility means your ability to respond to life.  As opposed to reacting to it, or collapsing to life.  You are responding to life. And this is a radical approach because 100% mean everything. However, it does not mean everything is your fault; not at all.  In fact, the cards your were dealt (i.e., the family you grew up in, the trauma you went through, etc.) are not your fault.  But it is your responsibility to change, to not fall victim to your lot in life.  Moreover, this is also a intense approach to life because, even if it is not technically true, one is invited to practice the notion that whatever is coming into your life currently, has something to do with you.  For instance, instead of saying there are no good men in the world to date, taking 100% responsibility sounds more like, “how do I keep on attracting the same kind of deadbeat men, or boys, into my life?” Taking this radical approach would me you could change how you are broadcasting to the world, and it also challenges your core beliefs (i.e., that there are probably at least some good men out there in the world). You don’t say?!

You must have a grounding practice

I have been practicing meditation and prayer for most of my life.  But not until I had a dark night of the soul in 2021 did I start practicing meditation everyday, twice a day, for twenty minute sits. This has probably singlehandedly been more effective than any therapy I have ever, and I mean ever received! And I have had some good therapy, let me tell you.  When you meditate, you give your soul a chance to breathe; to rest.  The first 30 days of doing meditation seriously in 2021 was extremely difficult, but then I hit a surrender point and just melted into my seat.  These days I crave it, there is nothing like connecting to source.  I truly believe there is nothing better that I could be doing, it is so replenishing to me.  It is a discipline, but a discipline that may be hard initially, but long term my life is way way way easier.  I suggest a sort of sitting grounding practice, I do Centering Prayer.  You could do TM, a classic breathing meditation, a guided meditation, group meditation, etc. It really does not matter, just do it. At one point you may find like I did, that you are not your mind; chew on that for a few.  Lastly, a little disclaimer, if you have been holding onto traumas, your body finds that meditation is a nice time to release some of that; okay, you’ve been warned 🙂

You must have a clearing process.

In other words, take out the trash. Almost every religious group has one, the 12 steps have one (the 10th step).  Again, it does not really matter the modality, just pick one and practice it daily. The purpose is to redirect your limiting beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and sensations. The goal is to get back on track with reality instead of living through the lens of, for instance, I am not enough. This takes some getting used to, and you might catch yourself for hours living through the notion that life is unfair, but once you catch it, that is the work, then get back on track with the truth.  For obvious reasons this can be incredibly useful and powerful.

A popular clearing process is Byron Katie’s, it goes a little something like this: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 4.Who would you be without the thought? 

One of my favorites is the Emotional Recovery Inventory. Essentially, this one helps you recognize that your sense of worth, respect, and love do not come from people, places, or things.  Worth, respect, and love is an inside job. Okay, so there are books upon books about clearing processes. At the end of the day, they are about making your life work. My suggestion is not only that you just pick one and do it, is there an echo in here? But that you pick a super simple one, don’t over complicate it.  Some clearing processes have 18 questions, maybe that could work for you.  However, I have found that I not only need one that I can put pen to paper to, but also one that I can easily refer to in the moment in my head; that’s right, memorize it. But I can’t! Yes, you can.

Suck It Up Buttercup

But this is a lot of work…  Yep, what else are you going to do? Just be dysfunctional for the rest of your life.  This is work, but it is work to the easy life.  Long term, your life is way easier.

~ Colt Gordon

If you’re in Wyoming or California and looking for flexible, telehealth psychotherapy, we offer hour-long sessions to help you navigate challenges with clarity and confidence. We also provide international coaching through Bowen Family Systems, a transformative approach to breaking unhealthy patterns, strengthening relationships, and fostering long-term growth. Reach out to see how we can work together.