Colt (00:01)
Caring so much about what people think can be a false idol. can be something that you worship, something that is of absolute importance for your well-being. And that’s a very disempowering place to be, and that’s something you can work on. This is my podcast. I talk about self-differentiation, talk about family systems theory, just understanding systems in general, how to understand how the system you come from.
is largely probably puppeting you. You probably have lot of strings attached to that system. And without making that system bad or without totally meshing to it, it’s about understanding that system that you come from and therefore differentiating, self-differentiating from that, becoming a more well-defined self. It is very cold out here in Cody, Wyoming. I got a lot of snow. It’s about 20 inches or so. Out here in Yellowstone, I do coaching all around.
The world, I do therapy for people in Wyoming and California and I am here to talk about how powerful of a bondage that I’m even still working on about what people think. And when it comes to self-differentiation, when it comes to doing this work where you’re not trying to get people places in
Things to be a certain way in order for you to feel justified in order for you to feel okay Is the freedom that I want to promote? So when you’re and something I’m continually do and something I know what’s perfect at this So when you’re in a state of caring about what people think it’s as if They are an idol. It’s as if it’s a god in your life. And when you’re praying to that
when you’re constantly focused on what people may think, your every move can be a reaction to that. So the goal would be just an awareness of that and understanding. Does it make sense why you care about what people think? Why it matters what their thoughts are on you? Does it make sense? Yeah, because it’s normal to want to be liked. It’s normal to want to have connections.
However, if you’re end all be all, right, you prefer that, it’s okay to have those preferences. If you’re end all be all, again, if your okayness is derived from what people may, may not, what you perceive that they think of you, whether it’s true or not, you’re in such a disempowered place. And just recognizing that and recognizing the core beliefs, the buttons there is essential as well. What do you believe in if people think negatively of you?
I certainly think if someone thinks a certain thing of me that I’m worthless, I’m not as worthy. I feel a bunch of shame wash over me. If I’m not aware of that, I’m just marching to the beat of that drum. The beat of that drum of what they think of me, the shame just runs me and I’ll do what I can to hide, to do what I can to so those people don’t think that about me anymore. You can work on that.
I’ve worked on that, I’ve continued to work on that, the anxiety is so much lower. And one way I do that is just, again, recognizing it, validating it, and understanding the truth. And then at the end does it matter what people think of me? Sometimes it does, but for the most part, it doesn’t. It matters what my wife thinks about me, right? My best friend, I want to be in communion with those people. I want to be in fellowship with those people and recognize that
Yeah, my job is not to be a doormat. My job is not to be an authoritarian with those people, but it does matter to a degree what certain people think, but everybody know. All so it’s really about bringing balance to all of this and recognizing you’re letting people, the perception of people allow you to feel a certain way. And once you catch that, just the turnaround of, wait a second.
Am I really letting this person be in charge of my worth, my sense of love, my sense of respect? Why is that unhealthy? Because I’m allowing someone else’s behavior to determine my okayness, my sense of love, respect, right? I’ve learned over time that that’s an inside job and you can learn that too. And just recognizing, how do I stay centered? Well, maybe.
Centering prayer contemplation going on walks, right developing better self-talk with yourself easier said and done, but if you haven’t noticed Excuse me. You cannot Change feelings head-on. So if you feel anxious about what people think of you, just don’t feel anxious It actually makes it worse, right taking notes on yourself watching yourself like a fly on the wall and Doing the things bringing in that self-talk bringing in those truths
doing the journaling so that next time you’re in the moment, you can be more effective. Okay, what do I need for next time? How do I reframe that? Okay, this is a lot of work. But it’s work that’s worth doing. For the basic idea of empowerment, you want to be in your power. But if you’re knee jerking around everywhere, trying to be okay based on people, places and things, you’re stuck. You can get free of that. It takes work.
You can do that work one day at a time a lot of indirect work journaling therapy reading books Don’t try to in the moment. How can I forgive myself? How can I validate myself? How can I get back on track? Redirect myself it is that’s that’s what’s going on here. I’m caring about what people think How do I get back on track as soon as possible bringing that self-compassion and then bringing that an opposite action? Just do it, but there needs to be a lot more
Off-the-spot moment work. It’s not just about forcing yourself in the moment in the moment It’s just that’s the person you are. I’m carrying it what people think cool notice that Noted let’s work on that. Let’s do some journal in that. Let’s let’s recognize. I’m giving my power away How do I get back into Center and how do I do that work on the side in? Order for me long term to be free Thank you. Take care
