Colt Gordon Podcast

In this conversation, Colt discusses the importance of thinking in systems and self-differentiation, particularly in the context of emotional reactions and personal responsibility. He introduces the concept of ‘buttons’—core beliefs or feelings that trigger reactions—and emphasizes the need to create space between these triggers and our responses. Using the tennis court metaphor, Colt illustrates the importance of recognizing personal boundaries and taking responsibility for one’s own emotional responses in relationships. He shares personal anecdotes to demonstrate how these concepts can be applied in real-life situations, ultimately encouraging listeners to reflect on their own emotional triggers and desires.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt discusses the concept of self-differentiation, emphasizing the importance of maintaining one’s individuality while being emotionally connected to others. He explores the balance between togetherness and separateness, signs of low self-differentiation, characteristics of high self-differentiation, and practical steps for personal growth. The discussion aims to help listeners understand their emotional patterns and develop healthier relationships.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt discusses the concept of enmeshment, where individuals take on the emotions of others, leading to a lack of self-differentiation. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing this pattern and working towards self-awareness and emotional boundaries. The discussion also covers the distinction between caring and caretaking, highlighting the need for healthy empathy while maintaining personal boundaries. Colt provides practical steps for practicing differentiation and managing relationships without losing oneself in the process.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt discusses the concept of self-differentiation and the predictable steps individuals face when they attempt to change within a system, such as a family or workplace. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the resistance that comes from others and outlines three predictable steps of resistance: negativity, pressure to change back, and ultimatums. Colt also provides practical strategies for navigating these challenges, highlighting the significance of self-compassion and emotional independence.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt Gordon explores the concept of ‘vampire relationships’—relationships that drain emotional energy. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and understanding the dynamics of over-functioning and under-functioning in relationships. Colt discusses how personal beliefs and anxiety contribute to these unhealthy dynamics and outlines the consequences of over-functioning, such as exhaustion and resentment. He provides practical steps for building emotional independence and breaking free from these draining relationships, encouraging listeners to challenge their beliefs and prioritize self-care.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt Gordon, a family systems coach, discusses the recognition and addressing of emotional and verbal abuse through the lens of Bowen theory and family systems. He emphasizes the importance of understanding abuse, setting boundaries, and the link between boundaries and self-worth. Colt explains how abuse can thrive in systems lacking clear boundaries and how individuals can change the dynamics of their relationships by staying engaged and practicing self-differentiation. He also highlights the significance of consequences in making boundaries real and staying grounded in systems thinking to foster personal growth and healthier relationships.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt Gordon, a therapist specializing in Bowen family systems theory, discusses strategies for diffusing tense conversations. He emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s role in interactions, using ‘I statements’ to express feelings without blame, and the futility of trying to change others’ minds. Colt advocates for staying grounded in personal values and practicing calmness as essential skills for effective communication and relationship management.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

This podcast explores self-differentiation as a path to outgrow limiting family patterns, prioritize growth over safety, and replace self-sabotage with self-compassion. It emphasizes reparenting, creating new core beliefs, and connecting with true identity to foster lasting change. While growth can be painful, it’s essential for embracing authenticity and fulfillment.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this podcast, Colt Gordon discusses the concept of self-differentiation, emphasizing the importance of understanding family systems and the dynamics of emotional ties. He explores the paradox of emotional cutoff and enmeshment, highlighting how avoidance can perpetuate dependency/enmeshment. Colt outlines the path to true self-differentiation, focusing on the balance between independence and connection, and provides practical applications for listeners to reflect on their relationships and emotional health.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt discusses over-functioning in relationships, exploring its definition, causes, and consequences. He emphasizes the importance of finding self in the context of others and the need for balance in relationships. Colt provides practical strategies to stop over-functioning, including setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and reframing the act of giving. The discussion highlights the detrimental effects of over-functioning on personal well-being and relationships, advocating for healthier dynamics and mutual respect.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Colt Gordon explores the complex relationship between feelings and family dynamics. He challenges the common notion of ‘feeling it to heal it,’ arguing that many emotions may not originate from the individual but are instead shaped by family systems. Colt emphasizes the importance of self-differentiation and objectivity in understanding one’s feelings, advocating for a more nuanced approach to emotional health that prioritizes clarity over mere emotional expression.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Colt reads from Strengthening My Recovery.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Colt discusses the complexities of living with individuals from enmeshed family backgrounds. He explains the concept of enmeshment, characterized by blurred boundaries and emotional entanglement, and how it affects personal identity and relationships. Colt emphasizes the importance of self-differentiation and setting healthy boundaries to navigate these dynamics effectively. He provides practical strategies for individuals living with enmeshed partners, focusing on personal growth and emotional autonomy while maintaining supportive connections.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt discusses the challenges of dealing with dismissive family members and the importance of setting boundaries. He emphasizes the need for self-validation and the strategy of being a ‘broken record’ when communicating boundaries. Colt introduces the concept of reversals in family dynamics, explaining how to diffuse tension and maintain calmness. He also shares the Silly Reframe for dealing with dismissive comments to avoid reactivity and encourages listeners to focus on their own growth and decision-making.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt addresses the complexities of emotional cutoffs and the importance of setting boundaries within family dynamics. He differentiates between unhealthy emotional cutoffs and the more constructive approach of going no contact when boundaries are not respected. Colt emphasizes the need for self-differentiation and the challenges that arise when individuals assert their identities within family systems. He also provides resources for further learning on the topic.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt Gordon, a licensed therapist and Bowen Family Systems expert, discusses the complexities of living with someone who exhibits emotional cutoff behaviors. He explains the dynamics of enmeshment and emotional cutoff, the challenges faced in relationships, and the importance of self-differentiation. Colt provides insights from Bowen Family Systems theory and offers practical strategies for navigating these emotional landscapes, emphasizing the need for open communication, healthy boundaries, and personal growth.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

In this conversation, Colt Gordon, a licensed therapist and Bowen Family Systems expert, discusses the concept of emotional cutoff within the framework of Bowen Family Systems theory. He explains how emotional cutoffs serve as a temporary solution to unresolved family conflicts but ultimately perpetuate relational dysfunction. Colt outlines the causes and effects of emotional cutoffs and provides actionable steps for healing, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and gradual reconnection. He concludes with a call to action for listeners to engage in this transformative work for greater emotional freedom and lower anxiety.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Understanding Enmeshment Bowen Family Systems.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

After a thoughtful hiatus, our podcast resumes with a renewed spirit and focus! In this transformative episode, journey with me as I share a personal tale of music, vulnerability, and the dance between seeking validation and remaining authentic.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

The ritual of burial. And the recent story of burying my father. Habits Choices and Rituals.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Part 2 of Episode 12. My brother Dane and I converse about his continual progress, updates, spirituality, hope, and a Las Vegas run. In our last episode, we got some comments that it left off at somewhat of a cliffhanger; thus, we hope that this fills in some of the gaps.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

“Hello darkness my old friend…” A lot of people talk about safety these days, but when it comes to trauma, the way to heal is not with more safety – instead it is THROUGH. Through the trauma is where you make the progress.  This is the way.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL FOR GUIDANCE ON APPLYING AND INTEGRATING THESE CONCEPTS.

Melanie and I had a wonderful conversation about owning your perspective, and the journey it requires to have a perspective in the first place.  Melanie spoke about her process of balancing being a lady and fully expressing herself in a way that works for her.

Family Strings Be Gone! Well, not really. Because family conditioning is kind of just stuck there, but you can get better and better at catching it. And then doing more well-defined behaviors one day at a time. If you don’t think in systems, the system has you. You are stuck in the matrix… Wake up (red pill).

Great discussion with Dylan Bain on societal enmeshment. We discuss the problem of society’s dogma and how that impacts our thought process. And most importantly how to become more self-differentiated in the current dogmatic political system.

In this solo podcast episode I talk about being in contact with the present moment and how that helps us become a more well defined self. Also, at about the 12 minute mark I did something a bit different, I facilitated a guided visualization/meditation exercise.

Discussion on Self-differentiation with Dane Gordon. Dane and I go back and forth on becoming more of a self by understanding the system one grows up in. We also talked about what to expect from others when you decide to change – its not exciting – but most people will adjust!

I was interviewed by Jonathan Bell. This was such a great time that we agreed to put it on my podcast as well.  My hope is to bring some traffic to Jonathan’s Podcast – The Curious Ulsterman.  Jonathan has a genuine curiosity to learn and promote ideas.

I used the wrong microphone. Nevertheless, I’m not going to over function and re-record. It is what it is, take it or leave it people 🙂

Nick Wescott shares his story of young sobriety. But sobriety did not mean healthy. Nick explained that finding a woman that pushed him to be better was a big part of his journey in getting healthier. Nick and Colt talk extensively on the process of becoming.

I recently tried out to be a lifeguard.

Nick has an amazing story of resiliency as he grew up with two absent alcoholic parents. At a young age he lost his father to alcoholism. And later he also lost his mother. Listening to Nick’s story inspired me a lot. I highly recommend this episode – humanity!

I’m talking about letting go of getting people to see things the way you see things. This not only helps with staying connected with others, but also with your Self. Focus on you to grow up.

This is my twentieth episode! I freestyled about dragons and finding fulfillment.

Jerry Wise is a self-differentiation and relationship systems coach. He uses his knowledge in family systems theory to help clients get un-stuck and find a true sense of Self.  He provides virtual professional coaching sessions to clients in the U.S. and all over the world.

Sarah is a Breathwork facilitator.
Sarah shares her transformative story of recovery, getting aligned with her values, and seeking validation within herself. Sarah once identified as an atheist, which is pretty funny as she is very spiritually inclined these days.

No matter what the behavior is, there is always a payoff (i.e., it serves us somehow) – but what does it cost you? Triggers|Behavior|Payoffs –> costs? Stumble towards the light.

Johnny Molano shares his story of overcoming mental health struggles and aligning himself with his authentic self. Johnny also speaks to how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu saved his life. The process is the way.

You need boundaries, damn it!

Everything is temporary. Clint shares his journey of overcoming abandonment. And how he has adopted his new philosophy in life that everything is temporary.

See title.

My brother just got out of prison after serving six years. He talked about his journey of transformation. Laughter and tears! This episode may offend you.

Bill and Linda’s work can be found at https://www.enableism.com/

If you are seriously committed to change, it could help to know that there are three predicable ways that people negatively react to you and pressure you to change back.

What is a one-sided relationship and how do you stop them?

Leaving Neverland 2 of 12. Stop our illusions, naivety, and fantasy thinking and feeling. We believe we can change others (fantasy and naivety). We can’t. We believe we can make our parents be who we want them to be, or we will fantasize about it.

Have you done enough to create a healthy dynamic in your family? And are you continually getting mistreated? When is enough enough? Have you considered not going home for Christmas? Consider it.

Finding the true you? What the hell does this even mean? I am… Remember who you are.  Just Be.

Proceed with Just Half of an Idea. “The fool is the precursor to the savior.” “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time,” when expanding as a person, it can help to be willing to be a fool, to be messy as you go. It is a zig zagging process. The knowing is in the doing. Going towards your edge is how you grow.

Leaving Neverland 1 of 12. Don’t do more than your part and stay connected.  Becoming a more defined Self, interestingly starts with not doing more than your part while also staying connected to others.  Learn to say no in the context of others.

When creating a healthier relationship with yourself, it can help to see your thoughts for what they really are.
1. Thought fusion = suffering.
2. Thoughts are powerful and automatic.
3. Defusion to create space for new behavior.

This was intended to be the podcast’s show promo; however, I allowed the Self to catch fire… This podcast’s goal is to help individuals see the is of improving the most vital relationship of all, their relationship with themselves.